In Memoriam: Ina Mae Murri and Stella Lopez-Armijo

Via the Bay Area Reporter (BAR) comes the sad news of the deaths of Ina Mae Murri, 75, and Stella Lopez-Armijo, 76, a lesbian couple from Fremont, California, who were killed in a car crash in Idaho two weeks ago. The women had been together for more than 35 years, and were mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers. They were active in the LGBT community and among the original founders of Lavender Seniors of the East Bay. Each was married to a man and had children before coming out. BAR calls them “pioneers in recognition for lesbian mothers.”

In their lives, they each came up against some of the biggest institutions that oppose LGBT rights. Lopez-Armijo is Catholic; Murri is Mormon, and each has written about trying to reconcile faith with sexual orientation. Murri also enlisted in the Air Force, but was discharged for being a lesbian.

Danette Ariotti, Murri’s great-niece, has a touching personal reflection about them at the Salt Lake City Examiner, and Inside Bay Area has their funeral notice. Go read.

It is stories like theirs that make me realize how much we are indebted to those first generations of out lesbian mothers. No matter the obstacles we face today, they are less because of the courage and visibility of women like Murri and Lopez-Armijo. My condolences to their family and friends.

We see more and farther than our predecessors, not because we have keener vision or greater height, but because we are lifted up and borne aloft on their gigantic stature.

—Bernard of Chartres (12th century), quoted by his student John of Salisbury

Sara Gilbert: “I am who I am”—But Does She Represent All of Us?

Last Thursday, I pointed out that the CBS press release announcing lesbian mom and actor Sara Gilbert’s new talk show simply said she lived “with her family,” whereas for each of the other five co-hosts, it mentioned their husbands by name.

Deadline Hollywood now reports that Gilbert told the Television Critics Association (TCA) Press Tour, “That came from me, CBS would write whatever I wanted. I’ve been acting all my life, and never discussed my personal life . . . I will do it here but a press release is so impersonal.”

Trish Bendix at After Ellen, who also covered the event, wrote, “OK a little strange, in my opinion. She seems to almost be shy about publicizing the fact she’s a mom and a lesbian. That or Allison [Adler, Gilbert's partner] is not interested in being on camera or a huge part of the show.”

But Trish notes that Gilbert then said, “I don’t ever really think of things as out or in. I am who I am. When topics come up that are appropriate, I’ll talk about them and share when it seems right.”

I have to respect that. It is her life and her family, after all. But I also agree with Trish that it seems a little odd, if only because the discrepancy with the other co-hosts was glaring, at least to many of us in the LGBT community. From a marketing perspective, it seems a bad call. Still, I’m glad it wasn’t because of homophobia at CBS.

Over at Entertainment Week’s PopWatch column, however, writer Tanner Stransky effuses, “I’m excited to hear more about the way Sara and Allison raise their two adorable children, mostly because they seem like good ladies and great representatives of lesbian moms everywhere.”

Gah. I know the comment was meant well, and I’m sure Gilbert and Adler are fine people. I just dislike when the media makes one person or couple, however noble they may be, representatives for a whole group. It’s not fair to either the person/couple or the group.

Ah well. At least this way people won’t think we all sleep with our sperm donors.

Target in Mother’s Sights

Target Corporation has come under fire this week for a $150,000 donation to a Minnesota PAC that supports Republican gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer—who has in turn expressed support for a ministry/rock band that says Muslim countries that kill gay people are moral. Michael Jones at Change.org has the details, and a petition you can sign; I’ve added a few thoughts of my own over there on what this means for a company that scored a perfect 100 on the HRC Corporate Equality Index last year.

Michael has also pointed out a touching video of mother and grandmother Randi Reitan, who is making a statement by shopping at Target one last time and then returning the merchandise. Her son is gay, and she says, “A number of the items were for my grandchildren, and they love their Uncle Jake so much, and Jake is gay. They wouldn’t want to have things come from a store that contributes to a campaign that would have a governor candidate with the anti-gay views that Tom Emmer has.”

A Target spokeswoman told Minnesota Public Radio that the company gives funds not based on party, but rather on matters that “directly effect [sic] the company’s retail agenda.” With more mothers like Reitan, they might have to reevaluate exactly what political donations to make in that regard.

Watch after the jump: Read the rest of this post »

LGBT Parenting Roundup

Family Profiles

• The Advocate profiled lesbian moms Cathy and Leah, who talk about creating their family and offer some wise words about what they have learned as parents.
• The Arizona Daily Star profiled a nine-year-old transgender girl, and her parents, who have allowed her to transition and live as a girl. The article is generally positive—it quotes Kim Pearson, executive director of TransYouth Family Allies, for example—but it also explores the debates surrounding transgender kids. (For more resources about transgender kids, see my post from November.)

More Debate on The Kids Are All Right

• The New York
  Times has solicited opinions from various people including marriage-history expert Stephanie Coontz and columnist Dan Savage to talk about the impact of a movie like The Kids Are All Right on changing social perceptions.
• Joan Garry, currently adjunct professor at the University of Pennsylvania’s Annenberg School for Communications and former head of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), shared her thoughts about The Kids Are All Right. She feels the film goes beyond believability when it has one of the moms have an affair with their sperm donor, and “the takeaway from this film will be that lesbians and the families they create need men to be complete.”
• If you read Garry’s piece, though, you should also go read the piece at After Ellen by Sinclair Sexsmith, who takes the opposing view. (My position is closer to that of Sexsmith, and I’ve explained why.)

New Adoption Study: Parent’s Orientation to Kids More Important than Sexual Orientation

Charlotte Patterson

From the “not that those of us here needed proof, but it’s good to have” files, a new study from the University of Virginia has found that the adoptive children of same-sex parents were on average “developing in typical ways.”

“We found that children adopted by lesbian and gay couples are thriving,” said U.Va. psychology professor Charlotte J. Patterson, who led the study. Her research used standardized procedures to assess a sample of 106 preschool-age children across the country who had been adopted at birth by same- or opposite-sex couples. She found that whether or not the children were well adjusted and developing in positive ways was unrelated to the sexual orientation of their adoptive parents.

Patterson’s work supports that of Drs. Nanette Gartrell and Henny Bos, whose National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study (NLLFS) has looked at biological children of lesbian parents, and Dr. Abbie Goldberg, whose research covers both biological and adoptive parents. (Goldberg’s book, Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children, compiles and synthesizes decades of research by herself and others.) All of the researchers conclude that children of same-sex parents are as well adjusted as any others—the NLLFS and Goldberg even found they may have advantages in some areas. (We should be careful not to take that too far, however.)

Patterson’ study also concludes what many other studies have found—but it bears repeating (my emphasis): “Regardless of their parents’ sexual orientation, how well children were adjusted was significantly associated with how warmly their parents were oriented to them.”

The results appear in the August issue of the journal Applied Developmental Science.

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Weekly Political Roundup

• Senate Armed Services Committee Chair Carl Levin said he expects the full Senate to take up Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DSDT) repeal in September, after the August recess.
• Former National Guard Lt. Dan Choi, one of the leading advocates for the repeal of DADT, has been officially discharged from the military. Choi and others were also arrested in Las Vegas after a protest urging Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) to do more to pass the Employment Nondiscrimination Act (ENDA).
• A U.S. District Judge issued an injunction preventing Arizona from enforcing a law that would have prevented the non-spouse domestic partners of state employees (and the partners’ children) from receiving health benefits.
• A new poll found that one in four Californians has become more supportive of gay rights over the last five years, compared with eight percent who had become more opposed (although we should be careful not to place too much faith in polls as predictors of voting outcomes).
• Seven same-sex couples in Montana, represented by the ACLU, filed a lawsuit against the state for failing to provide legal protections to same-sex couples and their families. Read the rest of this post »

“She Got Me Pregnant”: Episode 111

I’m vlogging solo, as Helen is away on business again— this week I discusses my views of The Kids Are All Right, the new movie about a pair of lesbian moms and their teen children. I also explain how the U.S. passport application needs to be updated to include all families, and share the latest in elementary school fashion trends, courtesy of our son.

Mombian: She Got Me Pregnant, 07-22-2010
Uploaded by drudolph. – Discover LGBT videos.

(If the embedded video above doesn’t work for you, try it at Dailymotion.)

Brought to you in partnership with After Ellen.

Why Didn’t CBS Mention Sara Gilbert’s Partner in PR About New Show?

Actor and lesbian mom Sara Gilbert (Roseanne, The Big Bang Theory) will be one of six mothers starring in a new daytime talk show on CBS this fall, the network announced. But just how comfortable is “America’s Most Watched Network” with Gilbert’s family?

Gilbert developed the show and also serves as executive producer. She and her co-stars—Julie Chen, Sharon Osbourne, Holly Robinson Peete, Leah Remini, and Marissa Jaret Winokur—”will examine topical events and contemporary issues through the eyes of mothers.”

I love the idea of a lesbian mom on a major network show about motherhood; even more so if she’s in charge. But here’s how the network described each of the other hosts:

Julie Chen . . . lives in New York and Los Angeles with her husband, Leslie Moonves, with whom she has a son and 3 stepchildren.

Holly Robinson Peete . . . and her husband of 15 years are the proud parents of four children. They currently reside in Los Angeles.

Sharon Osbourne . . . lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Ozzy Osbourne. They have three children.

Leah Remini . . . lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Angelo Pagan, and daughter and three stepsons.

Marissa Jaret Winokur . . .  and her husband, comedy writer Judah Miller, reside in Los Angles [sic] with their son Zev.

Compare:

Sara Gilbert . . . lives in Los Angeles with her family.

That “family” consists of her partner Allison Adler and their two children. (To the best of my knowledge, the women have not married, so I’m going with “partner” instead of “spouse.”) Why didn’t CBS name Adler as they did with all of the other spouses?

CBS has had a troubling record with respect to LGBT rights, as Mike Jones of Change.org has written. They got a failing grade from GLAAD last year for a lack of LGBT characters. They have refused to air LGBT-friendly ads, but allowed banners from the anti-LGBT Focus on the Family to run on a CBS-managed Web site until pressure from LGBT advocates forced them to pull the ads. On the other hand, CBS entertainment president Nina Tassler, told the Hollywood Reporter that her division has been making “a concerted effort” to encourage shows to include gay characters. And giving the go-ahead to Gilbert’s show seems a step in the right direction.

CBS’ decision not to mention Adler and the two children in the press release is therefore puzzling. I don’t see how Gilbert could be on a show about motherhood and not ever mention that she is parenting with another woman, so clearly CBS isn’t trying to hide her orientation entirely.

Perhaps CBS made the decision in an effort not to turn off potential viewers before they begin watching. On one level, that’s not a bad thing. Any viewer who might not watch a show because it includes a lesbian mom is exactly the kind of  person we want to draw in unawares, only to teach her that we’re not so bad after all.

On the other hand, Reuters (via ABC), in its coverage of the show announcement, says, “Gilbert . . . has two children with her lesbian partner Allison Adler.” Word is getting out whether CBS wants it or not. Any viewer who might reject a show because it includes a lesbian will likely discover Gilbert’s orientation and not watch, the network’s coy press release notwithstanding. CBS therefore had nothing to lose by including a mention of Adler. By not doing so, they indicate they still have a lot to learn. Let’s hope future announcements about the show are more inclusive.

[UPDATE: 7/22, 10:30 a.m.: CBS News' Web site just ran a post about the show, and said, "Gilbert is a lesbian mom, raising two children with partner Allison Adler."

I still think it's worrisome that the main press release about the show hid the fact that Gilbert has a same-sex partner. This might reflect some interdepartmental differences in approach at CBS, perhaps—CBS Entertainment, which ran the press release, vs. CBS News? Just a guess.]

National Education Standards: Good or Bad?

Less than two months ago, U.S.  governors and state school chiefs released recommendations for national education standards in math and English. The standards were developed by the states, which can choose whether to adopt them, but U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan said he is “ecstatic” about the initiative. The New York Times reports today that 27 states have already adopted them—and to that number we can add Massachusetts, which voted in favor of them this morning. About a dozen more states are expected to do so shortly.

The NYT notes, “The problem of wide variations in state standards has become more serious in recent years, as some states weakened their standards to avoid being penalized under the federal No Child Left Behind Act.” National standards would certainly avoid that problem. Whether they will reduce the teaching to the test that NCLB seemed to foster remains an open question—and would also depend on how states implement the standards and assess students, matters that are still in progress. My other big problem with NCLB is that while it may have helped some lower-performing schools and students, it leaves little time or incentive for better students to challenge themselves. Is it progress if all our students converge on the average, but none excel?

I’m still trying to get my head around how the new standards might change things. If you’re interested in doing the same, the Common Core Standards Web site is a good place to start. (Also of note: Development of the new standards was funded in part by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. I’m hoping that doesn’t mean that when a student doesn’t know the answer to a question, she will turn blue and freeze like my PC.)

Since I know you all tend to have opinions, what do you think? Are national “Common Core Standards” that specify what is taught in math and English at each grade level a good thing? Better than the NCLB approach to education? Good for states with poor standards, bad for states like Massachusetts that already have strong state standards? Problematic in other ways? The best thing to happen to education since dustless chalk?

Leave a comment!

Midwife Advice Needed

A reader left this as a comment, and I thought I’d give it more visibility to see if any of you can help. She’s searching for an LGBT-friendly midwife in East Texas. If you know of any resources or advice for her, please leave a comment!

My partner and I are planning on starting a family soon, and I have chosen to have a home birth. I initially thought it would be difficult to find a midwife in my area who would attend a home birth, because I live in a very conservative, relatively small-town area of East Texas. What I am finding now is that it is quite easy to find a midwife in my area, but the challenge is finding someone who is comfortable with and supportive of my relationship with my partner. I have looked everywhere for advice on how or where to find the right midwife for us, but so far I have found nothing. If there is any advice you could give me, or if you could just point me in the right direction to a helpful resource, I would appreciate it so much. Thank you.